Regression

Bringing home your new baby is an exciting and overwhelming experience to say the least. Bringing home your second baby when you have a toddler at home, that is a whole new can of worms. I really thought that all of us were completely prepared for baby Julia to arrive, even Emily. I had no idea just how naive I was being about this process. I have been so worried, angry, frustrated and scared this past week that I finally realized I won't feel any better until I talk it all out. Even if no one ever reads this.

This past week has been particularly challenging in regards to Emily's behavior and the balancing act I now call life. I returned to work this past Monday which in all honestly I thought I would not make it through the day. I have to admit that Monday came and went rather unceremoniously as it usually does. I even managed to keep myself from calling Kate a million times that day. Instead I only texted her once and it was well after lunch. That right there is some sort of miracle in and of itself.

Now up until this past week Emily was only having what I would call minor behavioral issues. I suppose to really understand the issue that is currently brewing in our home you would have to know that Emily has been completely potty trained for at least 3-4 months prior to Julia's birth. I do mean COMPLETELY, no accidents day or night at all, like ever! Now that you have the back story I will proceed. Once we brought Julia home Emily started to have some issues, which we expected and I thought I was prepared for like I said earlier.

At first she started with temper tantrums and crying or pouting at the drop of a hat. For the most part we decided to ignore this behavior when it occurred in hopes it was purely attention seeking and would stop if she did not get the desired results. She also started asking us point blank for attention, usually to the effect of " mommy i need attentions". This I obliged, each time she asked we tried our best to give her a few direct moments. I guess I thought if she was going to ask politely then there was no harm in giving in to her requests. Unfortunately not long after that we began having a problem with back talking and general disrespect of authority figures. I am so embarrassed by this one I mean I find it truly shameful as a parent. This I had to stop immediately, so any instances of this have been met with disciplinary measures. Which to be perfectly honest haven't show a great deal of results to this point which only adds to my frustration and self doubt. I find Emily a difficult child to discipline i have yet to find what truly motivates her. As if this wasn't enough to deal with in our sleep deprived and weary state, she then hit us with the big guns, potty training regression.

*** Now from this point on I will be blatantly discussing potty training issues, so warning there may be some TMI for some people ***

This has been so very difficult, I mean y'all it's been like multiple outfits a day. I have found myself getting so frustrated and even to the point of outright anger towards her behavior. These accidents are not like " I waited too late and didn't get to the bathroom in time" oopsies. It's more like "I'm gonna stand right here in front of the toilet and pee myself, what are you gonna do about it?" I mean like a full bladders worth down into the socks and shoes. To the point that I have no choice but to strip her down and give her a bath. In fact today not only did she pee her pants during naptime ( the soaked socks ad shoes kind) she also pooped her pants, I mean POOPED y'all! This was not like I had a little accident no this was a full "movement" per say in her pants. The worst part is I know she had to be awake because her room was destroyed with toys everywhere from where she had obviously been playing instead if napping. When I found her this way I almost went ape mad. When I asked her why she didn't come tell someone she needed to go potty her answer was " because I did". I mean really? REALLY? I had to bite my lip to avoid spewing out anger that looking back was clearly misplaced and I'm so glad that I didn't unfairly lash out at the poor girl.

I have no idea what to do with that. We had a long talk about how mommy and daddy were disappointed in her behavior. Nothing seems to work lately, she goes back to the same behavior not 5 minutes after being in trouble. I think a good portion of this boils down to Emily's personality, she is a sensitive child with a very sensitive heart. Much like I was as a child I desperately wanted everyone to love me all the time and to please everyone. In some ways like this we are so similar but in others we are so different, I see a strength in her that I myself have never possessed. She is so strong and resilient and I hope I can do my best to nurture these qualities equally so that she becomes the truly extravagant young woman I know she will be. The world needs to look out because Emily is coming! :)

Defining "working mother"

Today was my first day back to work. Man! I forgot how enjoyable my job can be. I was so focused on missing my girls. I was quite proud of myself that I only texted Kate once to check on the girls. I'm actually quite surprised by that.

The day came and went so quickly! I hope I can keep this up and stay on track with home stuff too!

"Mommy? Do you love me?"

Zach took this picture of Emily playing while the sunshine streamed in through the window. He's a budding photographer I think.

This morning while in the bathroom helping Emily with her morning routine she stopped and asked, "Mommy? Do you love me?". Of course I immediately gave her a huge hug and reassured her that I love her "sooooo" much. But as I sit around this morning, her question is pulling at me.

I was already have some bittersweet moments these last few days as I prepare to return to work. This whole thing has caused me to worry about the girls when I return to work. I am terrified that especially Emily won't understand why mommy isn't home with her all day anymore. I was a sensitive child and Emily is definitely a sensitive child as well. She easily gets her feelings hurt and cries often over the smallest things. Granted she is two and some of that crying is her version of a temper tantrum.

A few shots of the two sisters.

I think all of these issues are the root cause of my disappointment in myself. I carry a huge emotional suitcase labelled "Stay at home mom". Obviously it is not in the cards logistically or financially for me to be a SAHM. I completely acknowledge that fact and have no problems with it.

Sweet baby girl, I found this shirt horribly appropriate for my girls.

However on the flip side I struggle with this fact as well. Maybe not so much that I am not a SAHM but that I have no desire to become one. It is a self imposed guilt cycle I have created. But I must admit I have wondered late at night how it will affect the relationship I have with the girls in the future.

One comfort I have is the bond that Zach has with Emily and Julia. They are definitely daddy's girls and that is such a wonderful thing to see. And as he reminded me this morning, "we don't know what their future holds, no one does". Smart man that one.

"Mommy, I wanna hold Baby Julia. She's my big sissa" I think she meant that she was the baby's big sister :)

"you can thank OBAMA for that!"

So I wanted to talk a little bit about an experience I had this week, the whole thing has stuck with me and I thought talking it out might help.

On Tuesday I went to the doctor for my 6wk follow up after having Julia. For the record that went fine, that is not where I had the "experience" to which I refer. But it does give light as to why I had the car and why I had to pick Zach up from school that day. We only have one car so there's a good bit of dropping off and picking up in our lives lately. Anywhoo...now that I've had a successful sidebar, back to the actual story.

On the way home from picking Zach up from school we stopped at Kroger, I needed some things to make dinner (Chicken fajitas, yum!) and I had a prescription to pick up that the doctor had called in for me earlier. So we get our few dinner ingredients and head over to the prescription counter. The cashier got my prescription and rang up my few items and gave me my total $4.27. My face must have looked absolutely crazy because without me saying anything the cashier immediately began to explain. She said " Under the new healthcare law there is no charge for birth control (BC)". Which would have been sufficient explanation for me but she then felt the need to add "You can thank OBAMA for that." in an extremely condescending and snarky tone. I really had no idea how to respond to that so I just thanked her for her service smiled and Zach and I went to the car.

Once we got in the car on the way home Zach brought up an extremely interesting point. His point was that the office of President of the United States does not get nearly the respect it deserves from the general public. He felt that since President George W. Bush there has been a growing social trend of calling the incumbent President simply by his last name which is bothersome to me.

Now I don't want a million comments getting into a debate on the merits or faults of the incumbent President or his policies or any of his predecessors.Also I will NOT be divulging my opinion on the President or any of his policies in this post. I am simply saying I agree with Zach's point that despite what you think of the man (or woman one day :) who holds the office, you should still afford the honor and respect that the office he (or she) was elected to holds. He is the President of the United States and will be for the next four years, it is appropriate to treat him that way. I am sick and tired of the derogatory tone that people use when referring to President Obama, ok so you don't like that man that's fine you don't have to talk down about him all the time. I really think there is a time and place to discuss your dissatisfaction with his policies or actions but those would hopefully be kept to productive discussion among peers that would lead to thought provoking discussion. With any luck that would lead to productive action towards change. Granted I realize the complete and total idealistic nature of that thought. But I choose to remain optimistic on the subject.

I think within the family group children often pick up on these strong opinions that their parents have simply because it is reinforced within the household. Though it's not always children, it spans across all generations often without anyone realize it is happening, I can say I have found myself guilty of this phenomenon as well. It took some self evaluation to realize I had no merit for feeling the way I did in regards to certain ideas or thoughts. I imagine this is all more common in our American subculture here in the south where family means everything to us. Zach could tell you that too many times he sees young children filled with not only dissatisfaction but outright hatred for people they don't know and over issues they don't understand simply because that is what they know from home. That breaks my heart! As a parent I can understand the desire to have your children share your ideals and morals but I also think they need to come to those in their own time and be free to develop other ideas that may not always line up with their parents. Differences in thought and opinion are what sparks ingenuity and growth in our culture.

I really feel there is not enough emphasis on tolerance in our society today. Unfortunately people still fear what is different and unknown for the most part.

Shhh.....be buhry buhry quiet, I'm hunting houses

So it's official, three years after marriage and two years after our first child we are finally going to buy a HOUSE!

I know most people will say that it's no big deal that it has taken us this long . "Everyone's life unfolds at different speeds" and "things happen for  reason" yadda yadda. But seriously, apartment living has been a serious anxiety point for me for the past two years, starting probably about six months after we brought Emily home.

My anxiety regarding apartment living probably all boils down to my overwhelming desire to "plant roots" in a very permanent way. In my amateur psychiatrist opinion, I think my  childhood experience of moving so often has created this desire in me. Now please do not get me wrong, I had a FANTASTIC childhood, and I firmly believe that I would not be nearly as close to my parents and brother if we had lived in one place my whole childhood. Moving every couple of years forced us together in a very intimate way. My mom was my best friend and my mother, and still is to this day. She's always the first one I tell anything to but there has always been this nagging desire to have a permanent place to call home. Because of this, my Meme's house, where I lived for 4 years during college will always be home to me, that is the closest up to this point that I have had a permanent residence.

A good example of  an anxiety trigger regarding this subject is the simple question, "Where are you from?" Those of you who grew up in the south know that when someone asks that question. They are not asking where do you currently live, but where do you call home? where did you grow up? Who is your family? Often in the south, once you answer that question it is followed by, "I have family in that area, are you related to the Smiths who live there?"

Consequently, "Where are you from?" is my least favorite "getting to know you" question. As long as I can remember my answer has been, "I'm not from anywhere, I"m a military brat", which is often followed by a swift "ooohh" to which to conversation falls completely dead. I know, great way to get to know people, right?

So needless to say I'm over the moon we are going to look at homes again now that we have overcome our previous barriers. It's funny when I tell people, they want to know "where are you looking?", and "what type of house are you interested in?". Of course, me being my brutally blunt and honest personality replies, "I just want four walls with roof over it that is not connected to anyone else's house". Which is completely true at this point, we could live in a hut in South Africa and I would be ECSTATIC. - Yes I know, overly dramatic, but then again when am I NOT overly dramatic?

So I will be keeping everyone posted on the updates regarding this little adventure. Needless to say I am on pins and needles. Luckily we have a GREAT realtors, I feel like we are in wonderful hands.

TTFN! :)

Tea for two and Two for tea

Today is Emily's second birthday. I'm sure if your a mother I don't have to try and explain how time truly flies by. It's a wonder what she has accomplished in just one year, I remember wishing she would walk on her last birthday. Now I  can't run fast enough to keep up with her.

I have been thinking about how to approach this post and I have decided to go with the letter format. Taking a nod from my good friend Sarah Denley's monthly letters to her children. I won't even attempt monthly because I would never make it on time, but let's hope I can try a yearly birthday letter. Or at least this year anyways...

This is Em and Me at her birthday dinner at Mellow Mushroom. 

Dear Emily,

You are two years old today. It is amazing to me to watch you grow into your own little person. Independent is the word I would use to describe you. Everything you do now you want to do on your own with out any interference from Mommy, Daddy or anyone else for that matter. You are quick to let us know that you did not want or need our help. It is cute but I have to admit I often find myself frustrated with your new found assertive nature. But I know you are just trying to learn and grow so I try my hardest to give you your space.

You are talking so much more, even though "no" is still your favorite word. As you daddy says you have a negative vocabulary, including the phrases "stop it" and "go away". Not to say that you don't use many other words or phrases you just seem to favor those three in particular. Lately you have been using whole sentences which is simply amazing to me. A few weeks ago you told me "I drop the color mommy" and I was simply mesmerized. Since only a few days before you would simply point and whine if you dropped something.

You have also become quite possessive of things and people. Everything belongs to you including Mommy, Daddy and Darby. You have told me many times " My Darby" , "My Daddy" or "My Mommy" but to be fair you do distinguish things that are not yours. An example would be when you told Darby "No Darby, that Mommy's juice" when he tried to sniff my glass of tea the other day.

You are so inquisitive and want to know how things work. It is wonderful to see how you mind works.

On the negative side I believe we have let you watch too much television. You sort of become a scary zombie child when I turn it on. You don't move or talk or anything, just watch the television "glued in". You have even started asking for shows by name, "Mommy, I watch my Elmo" which worries me a bit that I have over done it on the television. So I limit you to one or two shows all day, usually just one episode of Sesame Street,  which you don't seem to mind at all . I give myself a little bit of credit since they are at least educational shows, but I still hold a lot of guilt over how much television you are exposed to.  If the television is not on you just go play with your toys. I probably should have limited your viewing time a long time ago but it seems to be working out just fine now.

It is nice to watch you imagination, you play with your toys and talk to them. Sometimes I wonder what little stories you must have created. You also really enjoy books, one of your favorites is The Nose Book which is a little Dr. Seuss book you got for Christmas. You like for Mommy and Daddy to read it or sometimes you will "read" by yourself, pointing out all of the animals in the books. That is one of my favorite things that you do.

Daddy and I love to read books so we hope that you will love them as much as we do. This year has been so wonderful watching you grow and learn. I cannot wait to see the what wonderful things this next year holds for us.

Love always,
Mommy (and Daddy)

These are a few from Em's Birthday Dinner, Drinking from a big girl cup, Pouting because we took her big girl cup away after she spilled and enjoying her birthday pizza, respectively. 

We also took Emily to eat pizza at Mellow Mushroom on her birthday as a little treat to commemorate the actual day of her birth. We have planned a party with cake for Saturday on the coast at Meme's house.

You catch more flies with honey, than vinegar

Let's all take a moment and think about how times we've heard that phrase in our lives? I'm guessing quite a few, I have to admit I most often hear it as a comment on my current attitude. Basically a mom way of saying if you were nicer you might have gotten your way.

Luckily when I heard it today it was a description of my behavior, but a compliment as I was already being "honey" and not "vinegar".

That being said I really really dislike confrontation, to the point that I pretty much avoid it at all costs. Today I referred to myself as a "weenie" in this regard. I just really can't handle confrontation, and even worse to think I may have caused the issue to begin with. I will admit I have gotten better as I've gotten older but for the most part I am still a big "weenie".

Today was a perfect example. We live in a small apartment that is in an older building which often can leave a lot to be desired in a home. We have always had issues since we moved into the unit, in fact that day we moved in I found a leak where rain water was seeping into the wall. They did fix that but now I have this gorgeous water design on my bedroom wall.

Friday we came home to a flooded dining room floor, and yes the dining room is carpeted. So this was not the first time this had happened to us, we knew exactly what was causing our aquatic themed dinner. The drip pan for the hot water heater also collects the condensation drainage for the A/C. Well the drain gets clogged with dust of something and the pan fills up, overflows and then floods the apartment floors.

I had just had it. We found this on a Friday @ 5pm which means we get to wait all weekend to talk to someone in charge about these issues. The poor little maintenance guy who barely speaks english came and dried out the floor as best he could and left us with a floor fan to finish the job.

Well the apartment absolutely reeked after that, like a stale mildew/mold smell. No matter of febreeze could fix this smell. The longer I waited to speak to management the more upset I got. Like I said this has happened to us before, several times and each time no real permanent fixes have been offered up.

I looked up the corporate office's telephone number and called them. I was given an email address to the regional vice president of Heritage properties. I sent her a very lengthy email voicing my complaints and concerns and my demands I guess you would say, I read it like 20 times and then I clicked send.

Oh my goodness, my wimpy side lost it after that. I had a full blown anxiety attack once I realized what I had done in my moment of anger. I worried myself sick for about 45 minutes until she responded to me and there was no complaints or issues, just "Ok ma'am, I apologize, we will get this fixed ASAP." I was floored that she didn't argue back with me or make excuses. It was wonderful. They came and starting working on the apartment this afternoon and she called me to keep me informed as to the plan and their progress in solving our problem.

It is kind of ironic because I was really kicking myself for not being more "vinegar" in this situation and telling the property manager where she could stick it. I'm not sure why but I'm almost a little jealous of those who can "tell someone off", I honestly don't think I ever could.