"Mommy? Do you love me?"

Zach took this picture of Emily playing while the sunshine streamed in through the window. He's a budding photographer I think.

This morning while in the bathroom helping Emily with her morning routine she stopped and asked, "Mommy? Do you love me?". Of course I immediately gave her a huge hug and reassured her that I love her "sooooo" much. But as I sit around this morning, her question is pulling at me.

I was already have some bittersweet moments these last few days as I prepare to return to work. This whole thing has caused me to worry about the girls when I return to work. I am terrified that especially Emily won't understand why mommy isn't home with her all day anymore. I was a sensitive child and Emily is definitely a sensitive child as well. She easily gets her feelings hurt and cries often over the smallest things. Granted she is two and some of that crying is her version of a temper tantrum.

A few shots of the two sisters.

I think all of these issues are the root cause of my disappointment in myself. I carry a huge emotional suitcase labelled "Stay at home mom". Obviously it is not in the cards logistically or financially for me to be a SAHM. I completely acknowledge that fact and have no problems with it.

Sweet baby girl, I found this shirt horribly appropriate for my girls.

However on the flip side I struggle with this fact as well. Maybe not so much that I am not a SAHM but that I have no desire to become one. It is a self imposed guilt cycle I have created. But I must admit I have wondered late at night how it will affect the relationship I have with the girls in the future.

One comfort I have is the bond that Zach has with Emily and Julia. They are definitely daddy's girls and that is such a wonderful thing to see. And as he reminded me this morning, "we don't know what their future holds, no one does". Smart man that one.

"Mommy, I wanna hold Baby Julia. She's my big sissa" I think she meant that she was the baby's big sister :)