Defining "working mother"

Today was my first day back to work. Man! I forgot how enjoyable my job can be. I was so focused on missing my girls. I was quite proud of myself that I only texted Kate once to check on the girls. I'm actually quite surprised by that.

The day came and went so quickly! I hope I can keep this up and stay on track with home stuff too!

"Mommy? Do you love me?"

Zach took this picture of Emily playing while the sunshine streamed in through the window. He's a budding photographer I think.

This morning while in the bathroom helping Emily with her morning routine she stopped and asked, "Mommy? Do you love me?". Of course I immediately gave her a huge hug and reassured her that I love her "sooooo" much. But as I sit around this morning, her question is pulling at me.

I was already have some bittersweet moments these last few days as I prepare to return to work. This whole thing has caused me to worry about the girls when I return to work. I am terrified that especially Emily won't understand why mommy isn't home with her all day anymore. I was a sensitive child and Emily is definitely a sensitive child as well. She easily gets her feelings hurt and cries often over the smallest things. Granted she is two and some of that crying is her version of a temper tantrum.

A few shots of the two sisters.

I think all of these issues are the root cause of my disappointment in myself. I carry a huge emotional suitcase labelled "Stay at home mom". Obviously it is not in the cards logistically or financially for me to be a SAHM. I completely acknowledge that fact and have no problems with it.

Sweet baby girl, I found this shirt horribly appropriate for my girls.

However on the flip side I struggle with this fact as well. Maybe not so much that I am not a SAHM but that I have no desire to become one. It is a self imposed guilt cycle I have created. But I must admit I have wondered late at night how it will affect the relationship I have with the girls in the future.

One comfort I have is the bond that Zach has with Emily and Julia. They are definitely daddy's girls and that is such a wonderful thing to see. And as he reminded me this morning, "we don't know what their future holds, no one does". Smart man that one.

"Mommy, I wanna hold Baby Julia. She's my big sissa" I think she meant that she was the baby's big sister :)

"you can thank OBAMA for that!"

So I wanted to talk a little bit about an experience I had this week, the whole thing has stuck with me and I thought talking it out might help.

On Tuesday I went to the doctor for my 6wk follow up after having Julia. For the record that went fine, that is not where I had the "experience" to which I refer. But it does give light as to why I had the car and why I had to pick Zach up from school that day. We only have one car so there's a good bit of dropping off and picking up in our lives lately. Anywhoo...now that I've had a successful sidebar, back to the actual story.

On the way home from picking Zach up from school we stopped at Kroger, I needed some things to make dinner (Chicken fajitas, yum!) and I had a prescription to pick up that the doctor had called in for me earlier. So we get our few dinner ingredients and head over to the prescription counter. The cashier got my prescription and rang up my few items and gave me my total $4.27. My face must have looked absolutely crazy because without me saying anything the cashier immediately began to explain. She said " Under the new healthcare law there is no charge for birth control (BC)". Which would have been sufficient explanation for me but she then felt the need to add "You can thank OBAMA for that." in an extremely condescending and snarky tone. I really had no idea how to respond to that so I just thanked her for her service smiled and Zach and I went to the car.

Once we got in the car on the way home Zach brought up an extremely interesting point. His point was that the office of President of the United States does not get nearly the respect it deserves from the general public. He felt that since President George W. Bush there has been a growing social trend of calling the incumbent President simply by his last name which is bothersome to me.

Now I don't want a million comments getting into a debate on the merits or faults of the incumbent President or his policies or any of his predecessors.Also I will NOT be divulging my opinion on the President or any of his policies in this post. I am simply saying I agree with Zach's point that despite what you think of the man (or woman one day :) who holds the office, you should still afford the honor and respect that the office he (or she) was elected to holds. He is the President of the United States and will be for the next four years, it is appropriate to treat him that way. I am sick and tired of the derogatory tone that people use when referring to President Obama, ok so you don't like that man that's fine you don't have to talk down about him all the time. I really think there is a time and place to discuss your dissatisfaction with his policies or actions but those would hopefully be kept to productive discussion among peers that would lead to thought provoking discussion. With any luck that would lead to productive action towards change. Granted I realize the complete and total idealistic nature of that thought. But I choose to remain optimistic on the subject.

I think within the family group children often pick up on these strong opinions that their parents have simply because it is reinforced within the household. Though it's not always children, it spans across all generations often without anyone realize it is happening, I can say I have found myself guilty of this phenomenon as well. It took some self evaluation to realize I had no merit for feeling the way I did in regards to certain ideas or thoughts. I imagine this is all more common in our American subculture here in the south where family means everything to us. Zach could tell you that too many times he sees young children filled with not only dissatisfaction but outright hatred for people they don't know and over issues they don't understand simply because that is what they know from home. That breaks my heart! As a parent I can understand the desire to have your children share your ideals and morals but I also think they need to come to those in their own time and be free to develop other ideas that may not always line up with their parents. Differences in thought and opinion are what sparks ingenuity and growth in our culture.

I really feel there is not enough emphasis on tolerance in our society today. Unfortunately people still fear what is different and unknown for the most part.